Safe and Together

Shifting the paradigm where domestic violence, child maltreatment and child welfare meet

Archive for category Batterers as Fathers

Adult Probation has an important role to play in child welfare

Aug 12

Posted by David Mandel in Batterers as Fathers, Children Exposed to Batterer Behavior

by David Mandel

Dr. Katreena Scott (recently returned from supporting the implementation of her Caring Dads curriculum in the UK) shared with me a comprehensive UK statutory guide on inter-agency child welfare collaboration.   Browsing the document I was struck by this item: “Probation services supervise offenders with the aim of reducing re-offending and protecting the public. By working with offenders who are parents/carers, Offender Managers can safeguard and promote the welfare of children.  Probation areas/Trusts will also…ensure support for victims, and indirectly children in the family, of convicted perpetrators of domestic abuse participating in accredited domestic abuse programmes.” (p. 10).

I really like the clear and simple identification that Adult Probation has a role to play in the welfare of children.   In the US, I would love to see more  attention paid by Adult Probation to domestic violence perpetrators as parents, and more collaboration in the US between child welfare and Adult Probation around the safety and well-being of children in domestic violence cases.

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One dimensional view of domestic violence perpetrators can harm survivors

Aug 4

Posted by David Mandel in Batterers as Fathers, Domestic Violence Survivors

David Mandel, MA, LPC

It’s difficult not to demonize domestic violence perpetrators.   If you listen to domestic violence survivors describe their abuse, see their injuries, read police reports of violence and abuse, or  even read news reports of  extreme abuse, it’s very human to  be horrified. It’s also very human to feel anger, even hatred, towards the perpetrator.

Often this anger, hatred and horror makes it challenging for us to see that some domestic violence perpetrators have some positive traits.    So why should we bother understanding that perpetrators may have positive interactions with their families?  Why extend ourselves towards someone who has caused others harm and suffering?   The principle reason to cultivate the awareness that many perpetrators  can have positive traits is to be the best possible allies to domestic violence survivors and their children.

A one dimensional perspective of perpetrators can rebound against domestic violence survivors in the form of judgment and blame.   We frequently hear people say “How can she stay with him when he treats her like that?”  “What’s wrong with her?” A one dimensional view of the perpetrator does injustice to the complex mix of feelings that domestic violence survivors and their children have towards a person who is not just a perpetrator of abuse but also a husband and father.  When we ignore how he is involved in the children’s soccer practice, how he takes care of the car and the house, or helps the children with homework, then we miss a critical part of the survivor and her children’s experience of him.  And in missing this part of their experience, we can miss opportunities to support them sorting out their ambivalence (“I really appreciate the way he’s supports the kids in sports but I can’t tolerate the way he treats me.”).  We can also miss opportunities to help children sort out conflicting feelings about their parent. (“I love my father but I don’t like the way he treats Mommy.”)   Finally we may end up putting up unnecessary obstacles to  partnering with survivors around the safety of their children.

Our ability to see domestic violence perpetrators as multi-dimensional is part of  the foundation for positive interactions with domestic violence survivors.   When we acknowledge her love for her partner and we can support her in her right to be safe from abuse and violence–when we communicate to her that we will not judgment her for still having feelings for her partner—-then we are more likely to create constructive partnerships with domestic violence survivors.

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Batterer as fathers chapter published

Sep 1

Posted by David Mandel in Batterers as Fathers, Children Exposed to Batterer Behavior

by David Mandel

I recently had a chapter published on Batterers and the Lives of Their Children in the Praeger Perspectives 4 Volume Series “Violence Againt Women in Families and Relationships” edited by Evan Stark and Eve Buzawa.   My chapter appears in Volume Two “The Family Context” and focuses on the connections between batterer’s behavior and children from conception through adulthood.  I also engage issues related to the desire of many battered women for their children to have safe contact with their fathers, the double standard we apply to mother and father’s behaviors and the importance of setting high expectations of change for batterers as fathers.

The entire series offers a comprehensive overview of  the issue of violence against women in families and relationships. The volumes cover victimization and the community response, the family context, the criminal justice system and the law, and the media and cultural attitudes.   The series includes chapters by Evan Stark on the Battered Mothers’ Dillemma,  Joan S. Meier on the Misuse of Parental Alienation Syndrome in Custody Suits,  Leigh Goodmark on Battered Women who Fight Back Againt their Abusers,  Claire M. Renzetti on Intimate Partner Violence and Economic Disadvantage and Janice Ristock on Understanding Violence  in Lesbian Relationships.   Other chapters are by well known scholars and practitioners like Andrew Klein, Eve Buzawa, and Marianne Hester.  The series is a tremendous resource for students, practitioners and academics. I hope you check it out. (Fair warning: The entire series is on sale new for $400 for the four volumes.  If you decide not to purchase it, please recommend it to your local academic institution or library for their collection.)

The series is on sale at Amazon and through the publisher.

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